Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The night was not chilly. She heard the murmurs of drunken dialogue. He grabbed her hand and in the midst of excitement and intoxication she laughed and grasped it. She could smell the lingering scent of masculinity. He pulled her in close and she felt his warmth. When his face closed in on her and as his lips found hers, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Familiarity. Her hand was grasping the back of his shirt and his hands were finding place on her lower back. He was tugging her body towards him and she was doing the likewise. I shouldn’t be doing this, was her first thought. Then as she was processing that thought through her now-sluggish brain, his lips moved to her neck. She gasped in shock and pleasure as his teeth grazed her skin. She no longer remembered her first thought. She pulled back as she looked around, her consciousness trying to pull her through. She remembered her surroundings for a moment. Then he grabbed her hand again and started leading her towards their destination. After hearing the drunken cat calls and slurred pick up lines, she realized she was holding his hand. I shouldn’t be doing this, was her second thought. She looked around to see no familiar face. She stopped in mid step and as she was stumbling, he recovered her and she turned in his direction. Spontaneously, she decided that she was too intoxicated to care what was going to happen. She tiptoed as her face gradually got closer to his and she bit her bottom lip seductively. He exhaled and grabbed her, his mouth attacking hers immediately. They heard the crowd shifting and they pulled away. He grabbed her before she could pull away, I love you, he drunkenly cried. She sighed and was jolted back to reality. Her mind started clearing up. His massive arms wrapped around her and pulled her to him as they started again towards their destination. I shouldn’t be doing this, was her last thought.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Yellow Rose Petals
Monday, May 18, 2009
"You shimmy shook my bone, Leaving me stranded all in love on my own." -Kings of Leon
The cotton-like velvet brushed his palm as they slipped through his open fingers. As he studied the arrangement of the bright petals on his desk, he knew who had been there. Yellow roses were her obsession. She said yellow roses meant jealousy, but he was the one always jealous.
"Al." He was jolted back to reality. Beth was staring at him intently. "Al, are you ok?" she asked with concern.
"Yea." he answered shortly. "What do you want?"
Hurt flashed a moment through Beth's sad brown eyes. "Nothing, it seemed like something was bothering you."
"Nothing is bothering me." he lied smoothly. He looked again at the garden he passed. The owner had planted yellow roses.
She was laughing. She was always laughing. With a mischievous glint in her eyes, she was backing away from him. He knew what she was going to do, she was assessing oncoming traffic and she was timing herself to step off the curb at the exact time cars would be flying by. "Don't do it," he said with more pleading in his voice than he had hoped. That was what set her off, giggling she took a step off the curb. In a moment he rushed to her, pulling her resisting self back onto the sidewalk. "Why do you do that?" he asked angrily. She giggled, wrapping her arms around him. His anger immediately melted as he immediately held the warm body against his. She pulled away and started to walk away. Leaving her belongings on the sidewalk. He sighed, picked them up, and immediately started after her. It was always an ongoing chase with her. She looked back and smiled, 'It's fuckin worth it.' he thought.
Al was almost to his destination. Out of habit now, he walks Beth home. Beth wishes he would stay with her, but he claims he has things to do and must get home immediately. She lets it go every time, because she didn't want him to get annoyed. But she knew every time he would get quiet and have that look in his eyes, he was thinking about her. Jealousy and hurt was raging through her, which propelled her to ask him to stay a little longer. He replied exasperatedly, "I told you i'm busy." Beth asked timidly, "Well couldn't you do it later?" Al sighed and retorted, "You don't understand Beth." and walked away. Beth was standing outside her place, confused and hurt and immediately turned to walk inside, hiding the pool of tears rushing to her eyes.
Her eyes were brimming with tears. Sniffling she folded her arms across her chest, trying to control her sobs. He felt his heart twist with immense pain, wanting her to stop crying. He put his arm out to console her and she violently shoved it away. She was never supposed to cry. It hurt him that much more to know that he caused her this pain. The pain he felt when she left him, he instituted right back to her. He promised to never hurt her, and to love her always. But he sadly realized that he couldn't promise both. So when she walked away, he let her. It was easier to love her, without her.
His phone vibrated against the nightstand, signaling a call. He rolled over to check who it was. Beth. He sighed and answered it. "Hey."
"You shimmy shook my bone, Leaving me stranded all in love on my own." -Kings of Leon
The cotton-like velvet brushed his palm as they slipped through his open fingers. As he studied the arrangement of the bright petals on his desk, he knew who had been there. Yellow roses were her obsession. She said yellow roses meant jealousy, but he was the one always jealous.
"Al." He was jolted back to reality. Beth was staring at him intently. "Al, are you ok?" she asked with concern.
"Yea." he answered shortly. "What do you want?"
Hurt flashed a moment through Beth's sad brown eyes. "Nothing, it seemed like something was bothering you."
"Nothing is bothering me." he lied smoothly. He looked again at the garden he passed. The owner had planted yellow roses.
She was laughing. She was always laughing. With a mischievous glint in her eyes, she was backing away from him. He knew what she was going to do, she was assessing oncoming traffic and she was timing herself to step off the curb at the exact time cars would be flying by. "Don't do it," he said with more pleading in his voice than he had hoped. That was what set her off, giggling she took a step off the curb. In a moment he rushed to her, pulling her resisting self back onto the sidewalk. "Why do you do that?" he asked angrily. She giggled, wrapping her arms around him. His anger immediately melted as he immediately held the warm body against his. She pulled away and started to walk away. Leaving her belongings on the sidewalk. He sighed, picked them up, and immediately started after her. It was always an ongoing chase with her. She looked back and smiled, 'It's fuckin worth it.' he thought.
Al was almost to his destination. Out of habit now, he walks Beth home. Beth wishes he would stay with her, but he claims he has things to do and must get home immediately. She lets it go every time, because she didn't want him to get annoyed. But she knew every time he would get quiet and have that look in his eyes, he was thinking about her. Jealousy and hurt was raging through her, which propelled her to ask him to stay a little longer. He replied exasperatedly, "I told you i'm busy." Beth asked timidly, "Well couldn't you do it later?" Al sighed and retorted, "You don't understand Beth." and walked away. Beth was standing outside her place, confused and hurt and immediately turned to walk inside, hiding the pool of tears rushing to her eyes.
Her eyes were brimming with tears. Sniffling she folded her arms across her chest, trying to control her sobs. He felt his heart twist with immense pain, wanting her to stop crying. He put his arm out to console her and she violently shoved it away. She was never supposed to cry. It hurt him that much more to know that he caused her this pain. The pain he felt when she left him, he instituted right back to her. He promised to never hurt her, and to love her always. But he sadly realized that he couldn't promise both. So when she walked away, he let her. It was easier to love her, without her.
His phone vibrated against the nightstand, signaling a call. He rolled over to check who it was. Beth. He sighed and answered it. "Hey."
There is no ending
Sometime in the winter of 2007
Little droplets of diamonds sparkled as they ran down her cheeks. Why she expected anything different, she doesn't know. She took a deep, rattling breath as she tried to hold back the rush of sobs that was building up inside her. She looked into his eyes through the pool of tears that welled up in her eyes. "Why?" she asked, desperately hoping that she could hear an answer that she wanted. He avoided her gaze as he somberly answered, "It never meant anything, I thought you knew that." Her heart sank into her stomach, heavily she answered, "I thought you felt something." He sighed exasperated, "You knew what you were getting into." Her gaze became fixed on the ground where she was absentmindedly staring at the cracks. She stood up and turned away from him, "The problem is that whether you accept it or not, we will always mean something."
************ A couple weeks ago *************
She walked up to him she gave him a mischievous smile, "Sup baby?" she called out as she wrapped her arms around him lovingly. He returned her smile and playing along said, "Hey baby!" as he placed his arms around her. She took in his smell, a mixture of detergent and just his natural scent, and felt a sense of completion in his arms. A sense of safety and security. He pulled away and walked away as he was distracted by something his friend said. She felt her heart drop in disappointment. Her gaze followed his retreating figure longingly. She followed him into the room. He laid down next to his friend and she felt a twinge of jealously and a hint of being pathetic as she laid on his other side. She sighed and let herself go. She felt herself relaxing and entering a mode of nothingness when she felt a nudge on her shoulder. Exasperated, she ignored it, but knowing it was from him, her curiosity made her turn over to look at him. She saw him gazing at her and she felt a twinge in her heart. She didn't want to deal with feeling hurt so she dropped her gaze and fixed it on the hood of his jacket. But curiosity and the pull of his gaze made her look into his eyes once more. He was still gazing at her with an indescribable expression. She felt herself start to melt inside so she closed her eyes, feigning sleep. But she opened her eyes, unable to stop the connection. He was still gazing at her. So they laid there, gazing into each other's eyes. She felt as if she was falling even though she was laying on a solid surface. Finally something from their surrounding world broke their revere. He got up immediately and walked off, feigning a cool calm attitude. She, on the other hand, got up slowly and basked in an indescribably feeling.
*********** A couple hours later ************
He was in the midst of his friends. She walked over to him feeling a sense of clinginess. He looked at her and his mask went on. "What do you want?" he asked, seemingly disgusted. She simply smiled and went up to him and hugged him. She got to make herself immune to his mask. Others, however, just pitied her because they were unaware of his mask. She stayed in his seemingly reluctant embrace. What others didn't see was that he was holding her but his body blocked it off so no one else could see it. She looked into his eyes and smiled. He smiled back. Then they started observing two other people. They were laughing and holding each other. She questioned, "What is going on with them?" He answered, "I don't know. It's like us I guess." She raised her eyebrows. He paused, "Even I'm confused about us." US? He admitted there was something there? She has had numerous conversations with him concerning their relationship and he always claimed that there was nothing. But something changed his mind obviously.
************ A couple days later *********
As a routine, she knew that he would be walking by soon. However, unlike routine, she wasn't looking up searching for him. She was saddened by the idea that he knew that there was something but he wouldn't admit it. And that nothing would come out of it. He walked by, looking at her expectantly. She averted his gaze and went to talk to her friends. He stopped and, trying to pull of his confusion, he walked away. She looked at his retreating figure and she looked down immediately as she felt her eyes burn. She took a deep breath and turned away.
*********** A couple of hours after that ******
He walked up to her. She stopped, still not looking at him. He waited, "Are you mad at me?" She was quiet, then she looked up and smiled, "No. why would you think that?" and he replied, "Well, you haven't been talking to me all day." She feigned a look of questioning, "Um, its only been a couple of hours, and I didn't think I had to talk to you every single time I saw you." He raised his eyebrows, "oh whatever then." And he walked away. She paused then called out, "Hi." He stopped then turned, "Hi?" She flashed him a smile. He smiled back and went up to her. She started to pull away from the hug, when she realized that he wasn't letting go. She looked up at him. He looked into her eyes seriously. Then his face leaned in towards hers. She turned and pulled away from the hug forcefully. "Well, I have to go." And she turned to walk away. She immediately felt his arms around her. She turned back in surprise. He smiled and leaned in again, this time much faster and before she could think to react, she felt his lips press hers softly. In the split second she had for her reaction, she had a flash of memory. And at that split second, she realized that the emotion she saw in his eyes before, was longing. And with that in mind, she surrendered and kissed him back. He wrapped his arms around her passionately. When she finally pulled away, she looked down. He lifted her chin with his hand, and he kissed her lightly. She smiled at him, feeling a rush of different emotions. He picked her up and took her to a bench nearby. He sat down, pulling her on top of him. He kissed her again. She eventually broke away from the kiss and looked at him. "Why are you sad?" he asked her. "I'm not sad." she replied. "Oh you look sad." he answered. Her eyebrows creased in thought. Then she smiled and kissed him.
********* The next day *************
She felt immense heaviness of the heart as she heard the story. Her friend was just looking out for her but she hated her in this moment. She heard her heart pounding in her ears and her eyes burn as she tried to hold in her tears. She interrupted her friend, acting as if what she heard didn't bother her. "Oh whatever." She said and she walked away. Tears began racing each other down her face. She immediately wiped them off her face. She walked towards his normal hangout. He saw her expression and for a split second she saw concern dance across his face, but was immediately replaced with his mask of disgust. "Come here" she said quietly. "I'm busy." He retorted. "I need to talk to you." She answered, still quietly. He looked at her expression and his next retort was lost on his lips. "Fine whatever." He said. The minute they were alone she whirled on him. "You are a jerk. You played me. You USED me." He looked at her in surprise. "What are you talking about?" "You wanted me for ONE thing. Don't deny it." He stood quiet. His silence answered all.
Little droplets of diamonds sparkled as they ran down her cheeks. Why she expected anything different, she doesn't know. She took a deep, rattling breath as she tried to hold back the rush of sobs that was building up inside her. She looked into his eyes through the pool of tears that welled up in her eyes. "Why?" she asked, desperately hoping that she could hear an answer that she wanted. He avoided her gaze as he somberly answered, "It never meant anything, I thought you knew that." Her heart sank into her stomach, heavily she answered, "I thought you felt something." He sighed exasperated, "You knew what you were getting into." Her gaze became fixed on the ground where she was absentmindedly staring at the cracks. She stood up and turned away from him, "The problem is that whether you accept it or not, we will always mean something."
Little droplets of diamonds sparkled as they ran down her cheeks. Why she expected anything different, she doesn't know. She took a deep, rattling breath as she tried to hold back the rush of sobs that was building up inside her. She looked into his eyes through the pool of tears that welled up in her eyes. "Why?" she asked, desperately hoping that she could hear an answer that she wanted. He avoided her gaze as he somberly answered, "It never meant anything, I thought you knew that." Her heart sank into her stomach, heavily she answered, "I thought you felt something." He sighed exasperated, "You knew what you were getting into." Her gaze became fixed on the ground where she was absentmindedly staring at the cracks. She stood up and turned away from him, "The problem is that whether you accept it or not, we will always mean something."
************ A couple weeks ago *************
She walked up to him she gave him a mischievous smile, "Sup baby?" she called out as she wrapped her arms around him lovingly. He returned her smile and playing along said, "Hey baby!" as he placed his arms around her. She took in his smell, a mixture of detergent and just his natural scent, and felt a sense of completion in his arms. A sense of safety and security. He pulled away and walked away as he was distracted by something his friend said. She felt her heart drop in disappointment. Her gaze followed his retreating figure longingly. She followed him into the room. He laid down next to his friend and she felt a twinge of jealously and a hint of being pathetic as she laid on his other side. She sighed and let herself go. She felt herself relaxing and entering a mode of nothingness when she felt a nudge on her shoulder. Exasperated, she ignored it, but knowing it was from him, her curiosity made her turn over to look at him. She saw him gazing at her and she felt a twinge in her heart. She didn't want to deal with feeling hurt so she dropped her gaze and fixed it on the hood of his jacket. But curiosity and the pull of his gaze made her look into his eyes once more. He was still gazing at her with an indescribable expression. She felt herself start to melt inside so she closed her eyes, feigning sleep. But she opened her eyes, unable to stop the connection. He was still gazing at her. So they laid there, gazing into each other's eyes. She felt as if she was falling even though she was laying on a solid surface. Finally something from their surrounding world broke their revere. He got up immediately and walked off, feigning a cool calm attitude. She, on the other hand, got up slowly and basked in an indescribably feeling.
*********** A couple hours later ************
He was in the midst of his friends. She walked over to him feeling a sense of clinginess. He looked at her and his mask went on. "What do you want?" he asked, seemingly disgusted. She simply smiled and went up to him and hugged him. She got to make herself immune to his mask. Others, however, just pitied her because they were unaware of his mask. She stayed in his seemingly reluctant embrace. What others didn't see was that he was holding her but his body blocked it off so no one else could see it. She looked into his eyes and smiled. He smiled back. Then they started observing two other people. They were laughing and holding each other. She questioned, "What is going on with them?" He answered, "I don't know. It's like us I guess." She raised her eyebrows. He paused, "Even I'm confused about us." US? He admitted there was something there? She has had numerous conversations with him concerning their relationship and he always claimed that there was nothing. But something changed his mind obviously.
************ A couple days later *********
As a routine, she knew that he would be walking by soon. However, unlike routine, she wasn't looking up searching for him. She was saddened by the idea that he knew that there was something but he wouldn't admit it. And that nothing would come out of it. He walked by, looking at her expectantly. She averted his gaze and went to talk to her friends. He stopped and, trying to pull of his confusion, he walked away. She looked at his retreating figure and she looked down immediately as she felt her eyes burn. She took a deep breath and turned away.
*********** A couple of hours after that ******
He walked up to her. She stopped, still not looking at him. He waited, "Are you mad at me?" She was quiet, then she looked up and smiled, "No. why would you think that?" and he replied, "Well, you haven't been talking to me all day." She feigned a look of questioning, "Um, its only been a couple of hours, and I didn't think I had to talk to you every single time I saw you." He raised his eyebrows, "oh whatever then." And he walked away. She paused then called out, "Hi." He stopped then turned, "Hi?" She flashed him a smile. He smiled back and went up to her. She started to pull away from the hug, when she realized that he wasn't letting go. She looked up at him. He looked into her eyes seriously. Then his face leaned in towards hers. She turned and pulled away from the hug forcefully. "Well, I have to go." And she turned to walk away. She immediately felt his arms around her. She turned back in surprise. He smiled and leaned in again, this time much faster and before she could think to react, she felt his lips press hers softly. In the split second she had for her reaction, she had a flash of memory. And at that split second, she realized that the emotion she saw in his eyes before, was longing. And with that in mind, she surrendered and kissed him back. He wrapped his arms around her passionately. When she finally pulled away, she looked down. He lifted her chin with his hand, and he kissed her lightly. She smiled at him, feeling a rush of different emotions. He picked her up and took her to a bench nearby. He sat down, pulling her on top of him. He kissed her again. She eventually broke away from the kiss and looked at him. "Why are you sad?" he asked her. "I'm not sad." she replied. "Oh you look sad." he answered. Her eyebrows creased in thought. Then she smiled and kissed him.
********* The next day *************
She felt immense heaviness of the heart as she heard the story. Her friend was just looking out for her but she hated her in this moment. She heard her heart pounding in her ears and her eyes burn as she tried to hold in her tears. She interrupted her friend, acting as if what she heard didn't bother her. "Oh whatever." She said and she walked away. Tears began racing each other down her face. She immediately wiped them off her face. She walked towards his normal hangout. He saw her expression and for a split second she saw concern dance across his face, but was immediately replaced with his mask of disgust. "Come here" she said quietly. "I'm busy." He retorted. "I need to talk to you." She answered, still quietly. He looked at her expression and his next retort was lost on his lips. "Fine whatever." He said. The minute they were alone she whirled on him. "You are a jerk. You played me. You USED me." He looked at her in surprise. "What are you talking about?" "You wanted me for ONE thing. Don't deny it." He stood quiet. His silence answered all.
Little droplets of diamonds sparkled as they ran down her cheeks. Why she expected anything different, she doesn't know. She took a deep, rattling breath as she tried to hold back the rush of sobs that was building up inside her. She looked into his eyes through the pool of tears that welled up in her eyes. "Why?" she asked, desperately hoping that she could hear an answer that she wanted. He avoided her gaze as he somberly answered, "It never meant anything, I thought you knew that." Her heart sank into her stomach, heavily she answered, "I thought you felt something." He sighed exasperated, "You knew what you were getting into." Her gaze became fixed on the ground where she was absentmindedly staring at the cracks. She stood up and turned away from him, "The problem is that whether you accept it or not, we will always mean something."
The Photograph
Sunday, November 02, 2008
As I think about the changes that have partaken my life in the last couple of years, I can only wonder who I will become. I used to be such an ignorant rebel. And now I'm a weary young adult. Although I cannot say that I have learned everything I need to know, I can say that what I have learned has helped me make decisions in my life that will be the best sorts of decision that I can ever make. There is only one story that is important now.
I gaze at the picture that, at the time, was carelessly placed into this frame. He is standing behind me. He has his arms around me and staring at my hands placed over his, I can almost feel his hands on my stomach. Then I study the picture some more and I could feel my back against his chest, and the cool feeling of the material of his attire. And lastly I can feel how my body fit so perfectly with his, and I close my eyes and cherish that feeling.
But it's gone now, the feeling never lasts. It's like my memory will give me a taste of it and then takes it back, make me long for more. And I'm to blame, for it was I who ended it. But it was done with the thought in my mind that I was doing the right thing. Do I feel regret? Every single moment, everyday. But as I recall my new memory of him without me and with someone else, I let the pain from that image take place of the regret I feel and I walk away.
Do you ever appreciate what you have when you have it? As I steal another long glance at this picture, I see something that I have missed, his right arms is against my side. And for the life of me, I cannot remember how that feels. And the tears flow as I wish to go back to that day and feel his arms around me and cherish it. How I didn't know that it was all coming to an end…
I think of how his fingers interlocked hers and how perfect it looked to an outside observer. I wonder if people ever looked at us that way. She looks up to him and smiles. And I see him take in that smile and give her one back. I never had that. Because I never wanted him to know how I felt about him. I still don't I guess, seeing I hide my feelings behind my own mask. I knew what she was doing, she was showing me that he is hers now. And how right she was…
As I gaze at the picture again, I remember the texture of my dress. And a little more memory surges back. How the glitter from my dress got all over him and I giggled. How the glitter from the flowers were ridiculous and that ended up all over us too. And gazing at the picture, I realize how if I was taking that picture again, I would want to lean my head on him. In the picture, my head is pulled away from him. Another sign that I was trying to pull away from the whole relationship.
I wonder how much he thinks about me. I wonder if he still loves me. And then I don't want to know. I just want one last kiss. To be held one last time. And to have him gaze at me with love in his eyes, just one last time… and I'll appreciate and cherish it…
As I think about the changes that have partaken my life in the last couple of years, I can only wonder who I will become. I used to be such an ignorant rebel. And now I'm a weary young adult. Although I cannot say that I have learned everything I need to know, I can say that what I have learned has helped me make decisions in my life that will be the best sorts of decision that I can ever make. There is only one story that is important now.
I gaze at the picture that, at the time, was carelessly placed into this frame. He is standing behind me. He has his arms around me and staring at my hands placed over his, I can almost feel his hands on my stomach. Then I study the picture some more and I could feel my back against his chest, and the cool feeling of the material of his attire. And lastly I can feel how my body fit so perfectly with his, and I close my eyes and cherish that feeling.
But it's gone now, the feeling never lasts. It's like my memory will give me a taste of it and then takes it back, make me long for more. And I'm to blame, for it was I who ended it. But it was done with the thought in my mind that I was doing the right thing. Do I feel regret? Every single moment, everyday. But as I recall my new memory of him without me and with someone else, I let the pain from that image take place of the regret I feel and I walk away.
Do you ever appreciate what you have when you have it? As I steal another long glance at this picture, I see something that I have missed, his right arms is against my side. And for the life of me, I cannot remember how that feels. And the tears flow as I wish to go back to that day and feel his arms around me and cherish it. How I didn't know that it was all coming to an end…
I think of how his fingers interlocked hers and how perfect it looked to an outside observer. I wonder if people ever looked at us that way. She looks up to him and smiles. And I see him take in that smile and give her one back. I never had that. Because I never wanted him to know how I felt about him. I still don't I guess, seeing I hide my feelings behind my own mask. I knew what she was doing, she was showing me that he is hers now. And how right she was…
As I gaze at the picture again, I remember the texture of my dress. And a little more memory surges back. How the glitter from my dress got all over him and I giggled. How the glitter from the flowers were ridiculous and that ended up all over us too. And gazing at the picture, I realize how if I was taking that picture again, I would want to lean my head on him. In the picture, my head is pulled away from him. Another sign that I was trying to pull away from the whole relationship.
I wonder how much he thinks about me. I wonder if he still loves me. And then I don't want to know. I just want one last kiss. To be held one last time. And to have him gaze at me with love in his eyes, just one last time… and I'll appreciate and cherish it…
An Amnesiac's Recollections
November 16, 2008
Love can fade but memories won't
Sometimes all we have left to keep us going are the memories…
Knees deep in the water, their bodies are pressed against each other. He has his arms wrapped around her and she has her arms draped over his neck. She smiles and looking into his eyes, she plants a kiss on him. He pulls her closer to him and kisses her back. She pulls back slightly and with her lips next to his ear, she starts to sing a familiar song. And she stopped to think of the words, and he asks her to continue, that he loves to hear her sing. So she does.
The entire walk home was quiet. Neither could muster the courage to say what was on each other's minds. Stealing glances at each other, they continued in small talk. In front of her house, she hesitates, and kisses his cheek, and immediately walks away, smiling. She didn't realize that he was smiling too…
Sitting alone in this quiet foreign room, she looks around. Her heart fills with such unbearable pain. She starts to tear from the pain she was feeling. Tears stream down her cheek, silently. She wonders where he is. She crawls into a ball, trying to keep herself safe. She feels anxiety. Her breathing gets more and more rapid. Soon her silent tears turn into loud uncontrollable sobs. She covers her face to muffle the noise. Looking at the photograph that helped her now torments her. She desperately paces the room for a way out. She bolts out of the room. She runs down the stairs and into these foreign city streets. She walks into the first store she sees. The people look on in concern but do not comment on her. She buys useless items. On the climb back up, she takes the steps slowly. She wonders what he is doing while she is suffering from heartbreak.
She walks away from what she had been trying to get for a long time. And she feels sadness as she realized that she lost her only chance. She wondered what made her decide against it. As she is walking she looks up to see a stranger coming her way. She slows her steps out of curiosity to catch a glimpse of this person. As he turns the corner so does she. Looking at him, she didn't realize that her whole world had just shifted…
In a moment of spontaneity, she jumps up and hugs him for the first time. And to her surprise he wrapped his strong arms around her. She pulled back in surprise and felt an indescribable emotion in her heart.
As she walks alongside him, she wonders how to phrase the words that she knew would break his heart. She wonders if she should even tell him. Looking at him again, she knew she must. He leaned against the wall and she leans into him. And when she finally told him… she looked into his eyes and saw him die a little inside.
She is cold so she lifts up his covers around her and lays on her side. He wraps his arm around her and eventually, they both drift off. She remembers the last thing she thought before dreams won her over was how PERFECT this felt.
As she was debating with herself, tears silently chased each other down her face. She tried to reason with him knowing she had nothing to say that would convince him to listen. But there was something she could say, so she says, "I don't love you anymore." And over the phone, she heard his world stop and his heart break.
Losing him killed her and when he touched her again, she flinched. He didn't pull away. She then gave in and let him in. And his arms around her and with her leaning into him, they fit into each other like two perfect puzzle pieces. But she knew that this puzzle would be taken apart
Love can fade but memories won't
Sometimes all we have left to keep us going are the memories…
Knees deep in the water, their bodies are pressed against each other. He has his arms wrapped around her and she has her arms draped over his neck. She smiles and looking into his eyes, she plants a kiss on him. He pulls her closer to him and kisses her back. She pulls back slightly and with her lips next to his ear, she starts to sing a familiar song. And she stopped to think of the words, and he asks her to continue, that he loves to hear her sing. So she does.
The entire walk home was quiet. Neither could muster the courage to say what was on each other's minds. Stealing glances at each other, they continued in small talk. In front of her house, she hesitates, and kisses his cheek, and immediately walks away, smiling. She didn't realize that he was smiling too…
Sitting alone in this quiet foreign room, she looks around. Her heart fills with such unbearable pain. She starts to tear from the pain she was feeling. Tears stream down her cheek, silently. She wonders where he is. She crawls into a ball, trying to keep herself safe. She feels anxiety. Her breathing gets more and more rapid. Soon her silent tears turn into loud uncontrollable sobs. She covers her face to muffle the noise. Looking at the photograph that helped her now torments her. She desperately paces the room for a way out. She bolts out of the room. She runs down the stairs and into these foreign city streets. She walks into the first store she sees. The people look on in concern but do not comment on her. She buys useless items. On the climb back up, she takes the steps slowly. She wonders what he is doing while she is suffering from heartbreak.
She walks away from what she had been trying to get for a long time. And she feels sadness as she realized that she lost her only chance. She wondered what made her decide against it. As she is walking she looks up to see a stranger coming her way. She slows her steps out of curiosity to catch a glimpse of this person. As he turns the corner so does she. Looking at him, she didn't realize that her whole world had just shifted…
In a moment of spontaneity, she jumps up and hugs him for the first time. And to her surprise he wrapped his strong arms around her. She pulled back in surprise and felt an indescribable emotion in her heart.
As she walks alongside him, she wonders how to phrase the words that she knew would break his heart. She wonders if she should even tell him. Looking at him again, she knew she must. He leaned against the wall and she leans into him. And when she finally told him… she looked into his eyes and saw him die a little inside.
She is cold so she lifts up his covers around her and lays on her side. He wraps his arm around her and eventually, they both drift off. She remembers the last thing she thought before dreams won her over was how PERFECT this felt.
As she was debating with herself, tears silently chased each other down her face. She tried to reason with him knowing she had nothing to say that would convince him to listen. But there was something she could say, so she says, "I don't love you anymore." And over the phone, she heard his world stop and his heart break.
Losing him killed her and when he touched her again, she flinched. He didn't pull away. She then gave in and let him in. And his arms around her and with her leaning into him, they fit into each other like two perfect puzzle pieces. But she knew that this puzzle would be taken apart
Sunshine
Monday, March 02, 2009
It was anxiety. The mixture of excitement and desire for something new, something adventurous. He was here. She took a shaky breath as she walked carefully to the door. Her hand closed around the cold brass knob and as she turned it, she wondered what she was getting into. Pulling the door open, the gush of cold air gave her temporary shock. She took a step outside and felt the concrete under her feet. She looked around expecting to see him, but saw the empty street. Her stomach flipped and she felt panic rise, was he not here? She quickly walked all the way out to the sidewalk and realized that he was hidden by the trees from the house next door. She halted in place, now she was nervous again and didn’t know what to do. She walked towards him, slowly, and saw him walk towards her with a determined pace. He stood in front of her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He was really here. He grabbed her by her waist and pulled her in close. The warmth of his body was a sharp contrast to the biting cold night. She took a deep breath and relaxed in his arms. He drew her in, she tiptoed and looking up into his face, she closed her eyes and their lips touched.
It was dark, cold and empty. She felt a disconnection with her surroundings. She had been lost for such a long time that she forgot that she had a destination. The cold was bearable now, it had been cold for so long that all she can feel now was numb. She had forgotten what it was like to be warm. Then he happened. He brought warmth to her bleak, cold world. And it was an addicting feeling. All she can think about was this warmth that he carried. She wanted to be wrapped in it, living the rest of her life in his warm blanket of desire. He was her personal ray of sunshine in this dark, gloomy day.
It was anxiety. The mixture of excitement and desire for something new, something adventurous. He was here. She took a shaky breath as she walked carefully to the door. Her hand closed around the cold brass knob and as she turned it, she wondered what she was getting into. Pulling the door open, the gush of cold air gave her temporary shock. She took a step outside and felt the concrete under her feet. She looked around expecting to see him, but saw the empty street. Her stomach flipped and she felt panic rise, was he not here? She quickly walked all the way out to the sidewalk and realized that he was hidden by the trees from the house next door. She halted in place, now she was nervous again and didn’t know what to do. She walked towards him, slowly, and saw him walk towards her with a determined pace. He stood in front of her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He was really here. He grabbed her by her waist and pulled her in close. The warmth of his body was a sharp contrast to the biting cold night. She took a deep breath and relaxed in his arms. He drew her in, she tiptoed and looking up into his face, she closed her eyes and their lips touched.
It was dark, cold and empty. She felt a disconnection with her surroundings. She had been lost for such a long time that she forgot that she had a destination. The cold was bearable now, it had been cold for so long that all she can feel now was numb. She had forgotten what it was like to be warm. Then he happened. He brought warmth to her bleak, cold world. And it was an addicting feeling. All she can think about was this warmth that he carried. She wanted to be wrapped in it, living the rest of her life in his warm blanket of desire. He was her personal ray of sunshine in this dark, gloomy day.
The Booth
March 23, 2009
The frayed edges and worn in creases
Told a story of memory
Their bright smiles and candid laughter
Only showing what the camera could capture
No one can hear the laughter around them
The bustling of a busy crowd
A line of people wanting their picture taken
Gazing into each other’s eyes
She had her hand on the back of his neck
He held her waist
Simultaneously they leaned forward
The shutter snapped shut and opened
The camera faced down
And it was over
The frayed edges and worn in creases
Told a story of a memory
The frayed edges and worn in creases
Told a story of memory
Their bright smiles and candid laughter
Only showing what the camera could capture
No one can hear the laughter around them
The bustling of a busy crowd
A line of people wanting their picture taken
Gazing into each other’s eyes
She had her hand on the back of his neck
He held her waist
Simultaneously they leaned forward
The shutter snapped shut and opened
The camera faced down
And it was over
The frayed edges and worn in creases
Told a story of a memory
Her
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Concern. He studied her with concern in his eyes. She turned away from
his probing stare. She knew the reason behind his concern, the feeling hidden
in his heart. He had let down his defenses once to prove to her his love. She
simply turned and walked away from it. She had left him, alone and bare, and he
still came to her. Like a puppy that had been struck, he came back to her.
He stared at her; his mind urged him to run. Run the other way. But his
heart and his body betrayed him. She pursed her lips in annoyance. She pushed in
onto the couch and he fell back, gazing up at her. She immediately climbed on
top of him, her lips hungrily attacking his. He caressed her back with his
hand. She pulled back a second and stared into his eyes. She always did it to
see the love in his eyes before she continued.
He knew she loved the attention. That she wanted his unconditional love
with nothing in return. And he loved her; he loved her more than anything. He
loved how she would make him stay up all night to IM her when he lived 5 houses
down from her. He loved how most of the time she was talking to another guy
anyways. He loved how she would say she is hungry and demand that he bring her
food. And he loved how he rushed to bring it to her. He loved how she made him
walk to class when his class was on the other side of campus. He loved how she
would hold his hand but when she saw another guy she would let go of him. He
loved how angry she would get when he didn’t remember something from her
thousands of stories. He loved how she had a new favorite song every week and
he was expected to remember it. He loved how she would send him to get her
something so she could flirt with another guy. He loved how she would hold
hands and kiss other guys playfully just because she could. He loved how she
boasted about her promiscuity and didn’t care how horrible it may sound. He
loved how she laughed although she never laughed for him. He loved how much she
loved her ex. He loved how he always said that he loves her and she would never
say it back. He also loved how she would say “I love you” to everyone but him. He
loved how she didn’t love him back.
She got up and dressed quickly. She grabbed her things and started for
the door. She opened the door and let herself out. He rushed to finish dressing
so he could walk her home. He ran out and caught up with her and she didn’t
even look at him. When they reached her house she left without a single word or
glance in his direction.
She knew he loved her. She thrived for it. She knew she was greatly
flawed so she loved how in his eyes, she was perfection. So, knowing it was
wrong, she continued to slowly break his heart.
Concern. He studied her with concern in his eyes. She turned away from
his probing stare. She knew the reason behind his concern, the feeling hidden
in his heart. He had let down his defenses once to prove to her his love. She
simply turned and walked away from it. She had left him, alone and bare, and he
still came to her. Like a puppy that had been struck, he came back to her.
He stared at her; his mind urged him to run. Run the other way. But his
heart and his body betrayed him. She pursed her lips in annoyance. She pushed in
onto the couch and he fell back, gazing up at her. She immediately climbed on
top of him, her lips hungrily attacking his. He caressed her back with his
hand. She pulled back a second and stared into his eyes. She always did it to
see the love in his eyes before she continued.
He knew she loved the attention. That she wanted his unconditional love
with nothing in return. And he loved her; he loved her more than anything. He
loved how she would make him stay up all night to IM her when he lived 5 houses
down from her. He loved how most of the time she was talking to another guy
anyways. He loved how she would say she is hungry and demand that he bring her
food. And he loved how he rushed to bring it to her. He loved how she made him
walk to class when his class was on the other side of campus. He loved how she
would hold his hand but when she saw another guy she would let go of him. He
loved how angry she would get when he didn’t remember something from her
thousands of stories. He loved how she had a new favorite song every week and
he was expected to remember it. He loved how she would send him to get her
something so she could flirt with another guy. He loved how she would hold
hands and kiss other guys playfully just because she could. He loved how she
boasted about her promiscuity and didn’t care how horrible it may sound. He
loved how she laughed although she never laughed for him. He loved how much she
loved her ex. He loved how he always said that he loves her and she would never
say it back. He also loved how she would say “I love you” to everyone but him. He
loved how she didn’t love him back.
She got up and dressed quickly. She grabbed her things and started for
the door. She opened the door and let herself out. He rushed to finish dressing
so he could walk her home. He ran out and caught up with her and she didn’t
even look at him. When they reached her house she left without a single word or
glance in his direction.
She knew he loved her. She thrived for it. She knew she was greatly
flawed so she loved how in his eyes, she was perfection. So, knowing it was
wrong, she continued to slowly break his heart.
January 16, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Driving around in the dark quiet night, something urged me to take a right at the next street. As I was passing the house I was so accustomed to go to everyday after school my junior year, I saw the memory of the girl I used to be. I could remember it clearly, the bright sunny day poking through the holes in the immense trees that surrounded the area. And the anticipation of what was to come and the feeling of loneliness as I would be leaving. I drove on out of there and I decided to pass another place with fond memories, so I pull into the almost invisible street. And I remember the days where I felt as if all the problems of the world seemed unimportant as long as the arms that were around me then would never leave. Right at that moment, my phone buzzes. I look at the name and laugh out loud at the sudden coincidence that it would be him. I talk to him while I continue driving, and I ask to see him. I wanted to know what happened to that girl that wasn’t afraid of the world. Where did she go and why did she leave? So I drive along the streets where lights were too bright at night and places were over crowded. The social contrast was so evident that it hurt to see it. I felt pity rise from the pit of my stomach and I closed my eyes shut to hold it back. He is outside and looks like every other stranger on this street and felt another jab in my heart when I remembered how hard I tried to fit him into my life and how I didn’t understand how he never belonged. He got into my car and I parked in some illegal way as he assured me no one checks the parking in these areas anyways. I hear the people outside yelling incomprehensibly in Spanish to each other. It seemed so cliché, I heard the distance horn in the background, the dogs barking from the next street over. It was like the Hollywood version of the hood. I took a deep breath and I looked at him. He was telling me about his girlfriend, and how he knows she’s lying to him but he can’t say anything because he’s done worse. I stayed quiet for the first time and listened. I started talking, and he said something that stopped me. He said, “I can see the hurt in your eyes.” I chose to ignore this and I kept talking, he then said, “I can hear it in your voice. I’m like half expecting tears because I hear the sadness in your voice.” And I realized that he always knew. He was the only one that could read me. The only one who bothered to look beneath to find me. Then the song came on and we turned quiet. He sighed and I could tell the lyrics were just too close. He looked at me, in the darkness and the look he gave me was the same he used to give me. He quietly asked, “What happened to us?” and I replied, “I don’t know.” And a lone tear slid down my cheek. He put his hand on my knee comfortingly, “Please, don’t cry.” And I angrily brushed it away. I wiped my tear away with frustration and my eyes betrayed me and another tear fell slowly. I was avoiding his eyes and I looked up to see him with a controlled expression on his face. “You made me promise,” he said. And I nodded, fully understanding. He leaned back away from me. Then he broke his promise and said, “You’re such a good person, I wish you could see it.” I started to argue, but he stopped me by telling me, “You choose the bad way because it’s easier.” I said, “It’s not that. I am a bad person and I constantly choose the bad way because I WANT to. You know me better than anyone, you know I don’t have good intentions. I’m not a good person.” “You were good for me.” Silence and darkness filled inside the car.
As I’m driving away, I realized I always get my way with him, which is why he avoids me so much. He is tired of being unfaithful. But as much as he is, he wants me there too. The night is quiet and I speed down the empty street, half wanting to let go of the steering wheel to see what my course would be. But then I think of my nice car and decide against it. My eyes are heavy because of the time. I race down the familiar street and I pull into my driveway. I shut the engine off and I lean my forehead against the steering wheel. The only reason he fell in love with me was because he thought I was perfection. The only reason I stayed was because I knew I wasn’t. We were too different. Age, race, culture, social status, intellectual level, and experience. I guess I could be classified as the perfect little rich girl who had plans and a future. And he was the poor boy with the cute face that was from the bad side of town that didn’t know what was happening tomorrow. Of course there was more to the story than that. I had two kinds of relationships with boys, a relationship that would end badly and leave me hurt and wanting them, or a fling that means nothing to me and everything to them. He was supposed to be a fling. He started off as a fling. But then the time we were together stretched out longer. And I became addicted to the way he loved me unconditionally. Slowly, I never realized, I started becoming a better person. The way I perceived the world and the decisions I made. And finally I realized what I was doing to him. I made him run to me every time I needed him. I made him do everything for me. And he wanted to, he chose to. Finally I told him, “Be with someone who can appreciate your love, someone who deserves it.” and he had argued, “I CHOOSE to love you. I don’t care if you think you don’t deserve it or if you don’t appreciate it.” I take a deep breath and know that I made the right decision. If I could change anything about the past, I would never have met him. Then he wouldn’t be broken.
Driving around in the dark quiet night, something urged me to take a right at the next street. As I was passing the house I was so accustomed to go to everyday after school my junior year, I saw the memory of the girl I used to be. I could remember it clearly, the bright sunny day poking through the holes in the immense trees that surrounded the area. And the anticipation of what was to come and the feeling of loneliness as I would be leaving. I drove on out of there and I decided to pass another place with fond memories, so I pull into the almost invisible street. And I remember the days where I felt as if all the problems of the world seemed unimportant as long as the arms that were around me then would never leave. Right at that moment, my phone buzzes. I look at the name and laugh out loud at the sudden coincidence that it would be him. I talk to him while I continue driving, and I ask to see him. I wanted to know what happened to that girl that wasn’t afraid of the world. Where did she go and why did she leave? So I drive along the streets where lights were too bright at night and places were over crowded. The social contrast was so evident that it hurt to see it. I felt pity rise from the pit of my stomach and I closed my eyes shut to hold it back. He is outside and looks like every other stranger on this street and felt another jab in my heart when I remembered how hard I tried to fit him into my life and how I didn’t understand how he never belonged. He got into my car and I parked in some illegal way as he assured me no one checks the parking in these areas anyways. I hear the people outside yelling incomprehensibly in Spanish to each other. It seemed so cliché, I heard the distance horn in the background, the dogs barking from the next street over. It was like the Hollywood version of the hood. I took a deep breath and I looked at him. He was telling me about his girlfriend, and how he knows she’s lying to him but he can’t say anything because he’s done worse. I stayed quiet for the first time and listened. I started talking, and he said something that stopped me. He said, “I can see the hurt in your eyes.” I chose to ignore this and I kept talking, he then said, “I can hear it in your voice. I’m like half expecting tears because I hear the sadness in your voice.” And I realized that he always knew. He was the only one that could read me. The only one who bothered to look beneath to find me. Then the song came on and we turned quiet. He sighed and I could tell the lyrics were just too close. He looked at me, in the darkness and the look he gave me was the same he used to give me. He quietly asked, “What happened to us?” and I replied, “I don’t know.” And a lone tear slid down my cheek. He put his hand on my knee comfortingly, “Please, don’t cry.” And I angrily brushed it away. I wiped my tear away with frustration and my eyes betrayed me and another tear fell slowly. I was avoiding his eyes and I looked up to see him with a controlled expression on his face. “You made me promise,” he said. And I nodded, fully understanding. He leaned back away from me. Then he broke his promise and said, “You’re such a good person, I wish you could see it.” I started to argue, but he stopped me by telling me, “You choose the bad way because it’s easier.” I said, “It’s not that. I am a bad person and I constantly choose the bad way because I WANT to. You know me better than anyone, you know I don’t have good intentions. I’m not a good person.” “You were good for me.” Silence and darkness filled inside the car.
As I’m driving away, I realized I always get my way with him, which is why he avoids me so much. He is tired of being unfaithful. But as much as he is, he wants me there too. The night is quiet and I speed down the empty street, half wanting to let go of the steering wheel to see what my course would be. But then I think of my nice car and decide against it. My eyes are heavy because of the time. I race down the familiar street and I pull into my driveway. I shut the engine off and I lean my forehead against the steering wheel. The only reason he fell in love with me was because he thought I was perfection. The only reason I stayed was because I knew I wasn’t. We were too different. Age, race, culture, social status, intellectual level, and experience. I guess I could be classified as the perfect little rich girl who had plans and a future. And he was the poor boy with the cute face that was from the bad side of town that didn’t know what was happening tomorrow. Of course there was more to the story than that. I had two kinds of relationships with boys, a relationship that would end badly and leave me hurt and wanting them, or a fling that means nothing to me and everything to them. He was supposed to be a fling. He started off as a fling. But then the time we were together stretched out longer. And I became addicted to the way he loved me unconditionally. Slowly, I never realized, I started becoming a better person. The way I perceived the world and the decisions I made. And finally I realized what I was doing to him. I made him run to me every time I needed him. I made him do everything for me. And he wanted to, he chose to. Finally I told him, “Be with someone who can appreciate your love, someone who deserves it.” and he had argued, “I CHOOSE to love you. I don’t care if you think you don’t deserve it or if you don’t appreciate it.” I take a deep breath and know that I made the right decision. If I could change anything about the past, I would never have met him. Then he wouldn’t be broken.
El Tango
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Diamond drops traced their way down her porcelain cheeks, leaving a trail of glistening promises. Her dark eyes were clouded over with confusion and hurt as she met his gaze. His brows furrowed and he cringed in pain as he saw her dark eyes pool over once more. She was silent, waiting for him to make the next move in this strategic battle of emotions. He let out a long battered breath as he stalled for time to think. Her face was stone still and the only movement in this dark night was the diamond like drops racing each other down her face. He finally lifted his arm and put his hand on her face. She winced as though burned by his touch. She took a step back and continued to gaze at him. The darkness began to swallow them as the wind whispered songs of romance into the flutter of her hair. She blinked slowly, her lashes slowly clinging together. He took another step closer and put his arms around her, she struggled to push him away and immediately clung onto him. She wrapped her arms around him and began to sob. Slowly her sobs became louder and louder and he pressed her closer as in hope to muffle the sobs. She finally mustered the strength to pull away and she turned and ran off. She saw blurs of her surroundings. And when she turned the corner she collapsed onto the ground and began to sob. He immediately followed her and crouched by her side as he waited for her sobs to die down. Eventually her sobs began to turn into battered breathing and hiccups of controlled sobbing. Her tears still streamed down her face. He sat down and put his arm around her. She immediately shrugged it off. He lifted her face to gaze into her eyes. He slowly pulled her face close to his as his lips softly brushed hers. She was hesitant, unsure whether to fight or to give in, and with a small sigh she gave into the kiss and her tears stopped. He wrapped his arms around her as she placed a hand at the back of his neck. Then almost as abruptly, he pulled away. And she was silent, with no more tears down her face. Instead, on her stone face a look of comprehension was being etched and carved into her features. She nodded and slowly turned to walk away. He stood there, unmoving, undecided whether to open his heart again or to let it stay shut. And as he let her walk away, he chose to let his heart stay shut.
They moved in unison, their feet taking steps around each other. It was quite slow as they both basked in the emotions of the different instruments playing. They spun around together and he plunged her backwards. She immediately came up with grace and glamour and his arm that was around the small of her back pulled her in closer. Their gazes interlocked and they were unable to pull away as they continued to move. As the song became to pick up the tempo, he picked up the speed. He spun her gracefully and immediately pulled her close once more. She wrapped her arm around him tighter and hooked her leg around his. He leaned forward and she threw her head backwards.
In the tango, if you mess up, you get all tangled up but you can still untangle yourself and keep moving. In life and in love, if you mess up, there is no second chance.
So as she walked away, she felt something shift in her heart. She understood now that they were to not be with each other. They had been fighting fate all this time. They were not meant to be, they were not destiny. And the harder they fought against fate, the more pain it brought them both. And she kept walking because she had realized that only two options remained for them. One was to stay together and continue to fight fate, and eventually lose themselves along the way. The other was to walk away and let fate go back on the path it was originally on. In a way she had hoped that he would want to continue fighting but the silence that followed her proved that fate was already back in motion. Tears no longer streamed down her face, but instead pain filled her heart. She heard the skies roar in anger at her. And as she kept walking, she felt drizzles of rain. She blinked and kept going, unsure where she was headed.
He stood still, unmoving since she had walked away. He too heard the angry skies and felt the tears of the clouds fall down upon him. But unlike her, he felt nothing in his heart. He had lost all feeling in his heart a long time ago.
Diamond drops traced their way down her porcelain cheeks, leaving a trail of glistening promises. Her dark eyes were clouded over with confusion and hurt as she met his gaze. His brows furrowed and he cringed in pain as he saw her dark eyes pool over once more. She was silent, waiting for him to make the next move in this strategic battle of emotions. He let out a long battered breath as he stalled for time to think. Her face was stone still and the only movement in this dark night was the diamond like drops racing each other down her face. He finally lifted his arm and put his hand on her face. She winced as though burned by his touch. She took a step back and continued to gaze at him. The darkness began to swallow them as the wind whispered songs of romance into the flutter of her hair. She blinked slowly, her lashes slowly clinging together. He took another step closer and put his arms around her, she struggled to push him away and immediately clung onto him. She wrapped her arms around him and began to sob. Slowly her sobs became louder and louder and he pressed her closer as in hope to muffle the sobs. She finally mustered the strength to pull away and she turned and ran off. She saw blurs of her surroundings. And when she turned the corner she collapsed onto the ground and began to sob. He immediately followed her and crouched by her side as he waited for her sobs to die down. Eventually her sobs began to turn into battered breathing and hiccups of controlled sobbing. Her tears still streamed down her face. He sat down and put his arm around her. She immediately shrugged it off. He lifted her face to gaze into her eyes. He slowly pulled her face close to his as his lips softly brushed hers. She was hesitant, unsure whether to fight or to give in, and with a small sigh she gave into the kiss and her tears stopped. He wrapped his arms around her as she placed a hand at the back of his neck. Then almost as abruptly, he pulled away. And she was silent, with no more tears down her face. Instead, on her stone face a look of comprehension was being etched and carved into her features. She nodded and slowly turned to walk away. He stood there, unmoving, undecided whether to open his heart again or to let it stay shut. And as he let her walk away, he chose to let his heart stay shut.
They moved in unison, their feet taking steps around each other. It was quite slow as they both basked in the emotions of the different instruments playing. They spun around together and he plunged her backwards. She immediately came up with grace and glamour and his arm that was around the small of her back pulled her in closer. Their gazes interlocked and they were unable to pull away as they continued to move. As the song became to pick up the tempo, he picked up the speed. He spun her gracefully and immediately pulled her close once more. She wrapped her arm around him tighter and hooked her leg around his. He leaned forward and she threw her head backwards.
In the tango, if you mess up, you get all tangled up but you can still untangle yourself and keep moving. In life and in love, if you mess up, there is no second chance.
So as she walked away, she felt something shift in her heart. She understood now that they were to not be with each other. They had been fighting fate all this time. They were not meant to be, they were not destiny. And the harder they fought against fate, the more pain it brought them both. And she kept walking because she had realized that only two options remained for them. One was to stay together and continue to fight fate, and eventually lose themselves along the way. The other was to walk away and let fate go back on the path it was originally on. In a way she had hoped that he would want to continue fighting but the silence that followed her proved that fate was already back in motion. Tears no longer streamed down her face, but instead pain filled her heart. She heard the skies roar in anger at her. And as she kept walking, she felt drizzles of rain. She blinked and kept going, unsure where she was headed.
He stood still, unmoving since she had walked away. He too heard the angry skies and felt the tears of the clouds fall down upon him. But unlike her, he felt nothing in his heart. He had lost all feeling in his heart a long time ago.
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